Crossroads

I meditate each and every day.  Originally it was a strategy I was taught to overcome my anxiety. Although meditation certainly still has that effect, I’ve mainly used it as a means of clearing my mind so that afterwards I can reflect on my day, week, month, or life with clarity.  After a hard training session, which caused me to question my skills, I soaked in a hot Epsom salt bath.  I spent fifteen minutes focusing on the soothing sensation of complete relaxation.  I let my doubts and stress melt away and after a long stretching regiment I spent another ten minutes or so doing a deep breathing exercise.   

            When I finally opened my eyes a seemingly random though crossed my mind. It was the notion that even though the choices I’ve made throughout my life led me to this moment, my character was more defined by the decisions I didn’t make.  It’s a strange thought to realize that the path you didn’t take has as much of an influence in shaping your personality, convictions, values and beliefs as the path you’re on.  I will save the details of what events led to this epiphany for my autobiography and leave you with this: never forget the crossroads in your life.  Regardless of whether or not you made the right choice, never discredit how much each decision plays in your identity. 

            On that note my phone has gone off about 30 times since I started writing this and the decision to ignore it anymore might result in extreme scolding and sassiness from my girlfriend.  Good night.

Combat Sport Equipment

          Anyone training in a combat sport should take a moment to assess the equipment they use.   As with most things in life, you get what you pay for and if you plan on making a career or long term commitment to a combat sport you really should drop some coin on professional level accessories.  If you are on a budget however, it is wise to devise an order of importance so you might upgrade from shitty equipment one thing at a time. For the sake of discussion I separate my gear into two categories: things that keep me safe and things that keep my training partners safe.  Of the two, it is MUCH more important to invest in quality items that promote personal safety and health.
         For any given fighter, the most important decision you'll make is what headgear and mouthguard to buy.  Whatever you do, DON'T go for the cheapest you can find in EITHER of these assets.  Protect your braincells and your grill at whatever cost.  I suggest the higher end Fairtex or Title headgear.  Don't just order one online, try and get into a store so you can try a few on and see how they affect your vision. Also, make sure your ears don't fold over when you move it from side to side, this will almost certainly lead to nasty cauliflower ear.  Check the quality of what it's made of, leather and any shock-absorbing and/or antimicrobial features are key.  I know so many people who buy the 20$ headgear at sports authority claiming, "it's all the same anyways."  Every time they come in to spar not only do they get rocked by any looping punches due to lack of peripheral vision, the head set usually ends up repositioning and blocking one or both eyes and pinching their ears.  The ideal headgear not only protects your braincells, but when fit correctly, doesn't get in the way of your training.
        As for a mouthguard, protect your jaw and teeth my friends.  Don't spend 5 dollars on a piece of rubber, if you're going to go that route, just get a piece of rubber at the dollar store and bite down.  I personally use and highly recommend the Shock Doctor Ultra 2 STC mouthguard.  It covers only the top set of teeth which I prefer for endurance and breathability. This mouthguard will keep your jaw secure and won't fall out or become loose if you try talking while you wear it. Dental insurance is not common among fighters and the proper mouthguard will not only save your teeth, but protect your jaw and decrease the likely hood of being knocked out and losing many much needed brain cells.
      Now above I mentioned that the headgear and mouthguard you choose are the most important for "any given fight," partly due to the fact that I am including female fighters in that statement.  For a male fighter, however, the cup and compression shorts you choose may be of equal if not greater importance.  For a long time I used the shock doctor compression shorts with the hyperflex cup, but no matter how safe I tried to be I never managed to make it through a training session without one of my testicles being savagely crushed between my thigh and rim of the cup. This is when I switched to the Jaco Guardian Protective Cup system.  Not only is the cup shaped in a way the my package has a chance of staying in, the compression shorts are fit with velcro straps in the front and back that secure and fit the cup to your particular body.  THESE THINGS FUCKIN ROCK! Even when I get a flush kick to the groin or someone rams their knee across my crotch while doing jiujitsu and wrestling, my package remains unharmed.  This is an incredible peace of mind for those who want to have kids, and are afraid that every time they throw a front kick their nuts will be fed to their stomach.
       Lastly, among things to protect yourself are ones that vary greatly in price, but not so much in benefits to your health.  Wristwraps, grappling pants, rashguards, braces, supplements and other like items all fit in this category.  One thing I will say about these things is this, USE THEM and USE THEM ALL.  180" wristwraps will keep you from breaking your damn wrist and allow you to put some power behind your strikes.  Grappling pants and rashguards will keep your skin healthy and help prevent disgusting fungal infections all over your body.  I prefer longsleeve rashguards and full length grappling pants not only for the sake of improved grip when I get sweaty, but for the sake of my training partners.  These two items will keep your hair from getting all over the matts and in the eyes and mouths of your teammates.  They may not ever notice what you're doing is for their benefit, but if they did, they would bow to you.
          Regardless of whether you NEED braces, I recommend using them.  Our joints go through far more wear and tear than the average human being so wearing a brace on both knees and ankles is a way to say thanks to your body for enduring the horrible treatment you impose on it.  I recommend a multi-vitamen to all human beings but especially to fighters.  Nutrition is key to building the best machine you can and a multi-vitamen helps pick up the slack where you fuck up. Other supplements I use are b-12 and b-6 for energy metabolism and hyaluronic acid and glucosamine/chondroitin for collagen and joint health.
       To end this discussion I want to address the topic of not which gloves or shinguards to use, but what to look for and HOW to use them.  The proper combination of insteps and gloves not only protect you but your training partners as well.  First of all, I hate shinguards that are held on by a sleeve.  Not only are these a severe pain in the ass to put on, but after you've sweat in them for a couple hours they're nearly impossible to remove without putting incredible strain on your joints.  Velcro straps make it much more efficient to put on and take off shinguards when needed and have the benefit of being easy to clean.  Also, don't buy the cheapest, most thin shinguards you can find.  Not only do these end up falling apart, but the padding they use becomes so dense that it feels like you're being kicked by something far worse than a shin bone.
        When you buy your gloves, go with a hook and loop system.  Laces are awesome for competition but in my opinion they're too time consuming for training purposes.  The hook and loop system is awesome because it provides extra security to the wrist that a normal velcro glove doesn't.  Also, regardless of what other people in the gym are using, go with 16 ounce gloves.  They will keep you from breaking your damn hands, protect your sparring partners, and when you switch to competition gloves you'll be much quicker than you would have been had you trained in light gloves all along.  Lastly, don't use the same gloves you do for sparring that you spend countless hours beating on a heavy bag.  This may be the biggest dick head move in all of combat sports.  You might as well leave them in the freezer before you train because that's what it feels like.  You effectively condense all the shock absorbing material in the glove into a nice solid brick of leather.  While this may still effectively protect your hands, which I submit is not the case, you will certainly lose sparring partners every time you land a solid shot.
       On a final note, I hate not to mention the importance of hygiene. Disinfectant sprays, wipes, foams and germ-x are a fighters best friend.  A good disinfectant spray will keep you and your equipment healthy and more pleasant to the nostrils. I spray Regency Professional disinfectant on my gloves, headgear, and shin pads after every session. Furthermore, I use athletix wipes up and down my arms every time I put on and take off my gloves and on my neck and behind my ears when I've been grappling and on the matts.  I hate it when people don't sanitize their hands before grappling after two hours of wearing boxing gloves, I can practically smell disease.  Furthermore, encourage your training partners to do the same, and if your gym isn't as consistent with sanitation as you like, take matters into your own hands.  It sucks so fucking bad when you smell last weeks sweat on the matts, it's like playing Russian roulette with staph, ringworm, athletes foot, impetigo and herpes all in the chamber.

Open Your Ears.... Not Your Mouth

Have you ever noticed someone completely missed the point when they voice their opinions in class?  Have you ever been talking to someone and realized they weren’t paying attention to your message? Has any one ever asked how you were doing and if you say anything other than, “I’m fine,” all the sudden they’re in a hurry to get somewhere? Sometimes when you spend a few minutes, a day, a week, a month or more focusing on the lives of others rather than your own, you achieve much more than you would concentrating on your self.  Every time you lend an ear for someone to speak their mind and voice their concerns you alter their future.  Whether or not you can respond with some groundbreaking advice or not, listening is one of the greatest services you can offer to humanity. 

An old Swedish saying encapsulates the idea perfectly, “speaking is silver,

silence is gold.”  You learn more about your place in the world when you take a moment to just shut your mouth and take everything in.  True knowledge comes from observation rather than articulation. If you want to see the true essence of your relationships, community and society as a whole you need to use your eyes and ears and bite your tongue.  Too often do we prematurely voice our opinion and interrupt someone or something that may have altered your mindset completely. 

Most people live in a self-centered world in which they believe they are the all-knowing focal point of the universe.  I’ll admit it, even I’ve gone through times when I tuned out the people and environment around me to focus on myself.  In fact sometimes it’s healthy to put your goals on the forefront, especially in regards to your wellbeing.  Allowing this to be a lifelong attitude, however, will prevent you from experiencing the knowledge and happiness associated with real companionship. 

Next time you find yourself dominating a conversation, do yourself a favor and rest your vocal chords.  Allow others to share their opinions, you just might find a flaw or gap in your perspective.  It’s often times difficult to sit there and listen to someone who you find blatantly uninformed or for lack of a better way to say it, just wrong.  At the very least, you can find out the attitudes, emotions and values they attach to their discourse.  Even when someone is out of their element, listening and absorbing their input will almost certainly give you a greater understand of what draws you to that person.  If you’re upset that someone won’t hear you out, realize that they more than likely have something on their mind they really need to get out in the open and lend them an ear.  Hell, listening to someone else’s problems can help you realize yours don’t carry much gravity.

Snow Madness

Snow hell has returned to Columbia and with it a band of horribly inept and perilous drivers.  I was supposed to have a test today and it wasn’t until I drove down the unplowed streets, parked on the opposite end of campus, and marched a half mile through five inches of untrodden snow to my class that our professor decided to cancel and send us home.   On my way back to the car the snowfall turned into more of a slush and by the time I reached my parking spot my beard had frozen.  I looked like Liam Neeson at the anticlimactic ending of The Grey. I was a little frustrated to say the least but was unaware that this only the beginning of a series of hardships.

The girl parked in front of me must have seen me arrive to my Jeep, but rather than waiting for me to back up and make room for her she decided to try and pull out.  Little did she know her front-wheel drive Jetta had insufficient traction.  I feel as though she tried to go in reverse but had put her car in drive because as she struggled to move and applied more pressure to the gas pedal her car shot straight forward into the car in front of her.  I decided this wasn’t my battle and got out of there but I’m pretty sure she fled the scene. 

200 yards and one left turn later I ran into the my next struggle.  A car had almost made it to the top of a hill but after being forced to stop by a j-walking student they slowly started to roll backwards in my direction.  I threw my car into reverse and pulled out of the street into a driveway.  This still barely saved me as they either lost control completely or decided the only way they could stop was to cut the wheel and swerve backwards into a tree about fifty feet away from me.  After checking to make sure they were ok I continued my journey. 

When I finally made it to a main road I saw a girl in a Mustang stuck in a snowplow made hill.  I got out to help her and she rolled down her window to say in a valley-girl-esque, damsel in distress voice, “oh my God! Like I thought my car could make it, I mean like, it’s called A MUSTANG! Like what the heck!”  I informed her that front wheel drive vehicles were unsuitable for driving on icy terrain and after digging out the area around her wheels I was able to get her car out of captivity and onto the main road. 

I decided to stop at the gas station and grab an ice-scraper.  While I was there I ended up helping two cars make it out of the lot.  Neither of them so much as waved or rolled down the window to say thanks.  My girlfriend called me and asked if we could go pick up her friend because she had no food at her house and was scared she might get snowed in and starve.  I sighed, picked my lady up and we drove all the way back to campus.  After getting her friend it seemed like every student wanted to walk in the street.  Some of them wearing all grey attire as if they didn’t realize they were camouflaged in already low-visibility conditions.

Driving back to my house I counted three all-white vehicles without their headlights on.  When we finally made it back to my street we saw a man struggling to push a van full of girls up the long hill.  For some reason I was overwhelmed with a sense of civic duty and got out to help him.  After ten minutes we finally got her to the light where she needed one last push when it turned green.  For some reason she had put the car in reverse and damn near ran us both over.  After we got them on their way we noticed a line of cars had gotten stuck on the hill.  My kindness had run thin and decided someone else could play hero, got back in my car and drove home.  After parking and heading towards the door I saw a neighbor struggling to get her car out of her parking spot.  Another fifteen minutes in the cold with no gloves I managed to dig her out enough and guide her out of her space.  She and the man I helped push the van were the only ones to show their gratitude, but I was still kind of pissed when all she did was drive thirty feet to a different parking spot where she thought she’d be less likely to get snowed in.

I’m finally inside and warm with a belly full of ram-chili.  I rekindled some joy in my heart watching my dogs out in the snow.  Rusty was high-stepping making very calculated movements while Ein was jumping, rolling and frolicking, digging and kicking up the ice.  It was hilarious watching him having so much fun as he was practically fully submerged in the snow.   After a morning of dealing with idiots who thought their two-wheel and for the most part front-wheel drive could handle these conditions, I was happy to see my miniature dachshund finding so much happiness in his first real snowfall.  Stay warm Missouri and beware the SNOWPOCALYPSE!

Live Your Dream

Have you ever noticed that the people who tell you you’re dreams are unrealistic are the ones who have long since given up on their own?  The people who say you’re crazy or living in a fantasy are the same ones who settle for mediocrity.  I don’t understand how someone can judge the goals and ambitions of another human being when they have no insight on what drives that individual.   How can someone call my passion a long shot when they’ve never been in the ring with me?  How can you question my ability if you’ve never felt my pain or cared enough to ask me about it? It doesn’t matter who supports you.  It doesn’t matter where you’re from or where you’re going.  The only person you need to believe in you is yourself.   

Every time I’ve heard the word, “can’t” I’ve proved it wrong; call it my good luck charm.  Every time I’ve heard doubt in some one’s voice I’ve shoved it back down their throat.  At some point you tune the world out and concern yourself only with those who back you.   You stop caring if people understand what you’re about and what you’re trying to accomplish.  You surround yourself with the people who remain positive influences in your life, even if they don’t fully comprehend why you endure physical abuse day in and day out.  Once you’ve gotten to that level you are no longer chasing your dream, you’re living it. 

The only time I get worried is when I start to doubt myself.  It’s not for fear of getting hurt or injuring someone else.  The only time I doubt myself is when I’m scared to let those around me down.  I lose sight as to why I enjoy what I do and start to make it about my support system.  It’s important to recognize where your uncertainty is coming from and correct your thinking.  Yes it might suck to let down a coach, a team, your friends and family cheering you on but what’s even worse is to allow those things to cloud your mind and affect your performance. 

I enjoy fighting because it's both a team and individualistic sport.  You can’t succeed in MMA, boxing, kickboxing or jiujitsu without training partners.  A punching bag doesn’t hit back, a jump rope doesn’t teach you to get back up and fight with blood in your eyes.  Once it’s time to put yourself and your training to the test the sport takes a completely new form.   You are alone in the cage and on the mats.  No one will save you and if you are fighting for any other reason to win that fight you are going to get seriously injured.  If you are fighting to survive a round, you’ll wake up wondering what happened.

          Sometimes I feel selfish for finding so much pleasure in such an egocentric lifestyle.   Then I realize there is nothing self-absorbed about finding a way to build success with your own to hands.  There is nothing vainglorious about discovering a means to provide for yourself and those you love.  Punch after punch, kick after kick and fight after fight you set the foundation for a promising future.  The problem with most fighters is they don’t anticipate life after their body gives out on them or the competition becomes too great.  If you have a dream make it a reality and have a plan for when you wake up, don’t allow it to become a nightmare.

Leggings: A National Asstravaganza

Female fashion is a very peculiar phenomenon.  It evolves at a much quicker pace than men’s fashion and not always in a favorable direction.  The reason I’m writing this blog is because I noticed almost all the people sneezing and coughing in my classes and on campus had a couple things in common.  One, they were primarily female and two they were all wearing leggings.  

            Now let me make one thing clear ladies: leggings are a single man’s best friend.  Instead of a boring walk to and from class they have a perfect view of a sacred and worshipped part of the female anatomy.   Large asses, small asses, firm asses and jiggly asses all parade around campus like some sort of ass convention.  The reason I put an emphasis on leggings being in favor of the single man is because those of us in relationships have to be very cautious.  One downward glance and all the sudden we’re getting slapped in the back of the head and never hear the end of it.  The other reason leggings suck for the committed man is although we are restricted from looking our girlfriends don’t refrain from the fad.  This means that they too are part of the daily ass-travaganza these scumbags get to gawk at and drool over. 

            I understand a woman wanting to be up-to-date and fashionable but at what expense?  My girlfriend laughed at me today because I am wearing fleece pants underneath my jeans.  Why do I do this she asked. Because it’s twenty-one fucking degrees outside and I for one celebrate my health and comfort.  I swear I saw a girl on campus today in a lightweight hoody and leggings.  Her face was pastey-white, her lips were blue and her whole body a tremble.  What about a sickly looking girl is attractive?  What about a girl who is more concerned with fitting in than her own wellbeing would come off as appealing? 

            My message to you women of Mizzou is to stop trying to be a part of the herd, especially when the herd is dumb enough to prance about practically naked in freezing weather.   For once in your life dress appropriately for the conditions. (If it's raining out wear something waterproof, if it's freezing out wear a coat, if you're going to a movie theater bring a fucking jacket!)  Save the leggings for summer and bundle up when you have icicles growing from your ass cheeks.  Ladies with men, save your figure for them.  We’re the only ones who need to know what your ass looks like.  If you’re in a relationship then someone appreciates your individuality, so don’t be so quick to conform. 

            I’ve heard all the explanations for wearing leggings.  How comfortable they are, how everyone is wearing them, how they had nothing else to wear and how they go with anything.  All men see is a girl trying desperately to show off her goods.  Girls wearing their Greek letters on their leggings scream, “choose us for homecoming our asses are incredible.”  These very girls act disgusted if they catch a guy giving them the once over.  If you’re going to wear leggings in winter you might as well go all out and wear a bikini top with them.   All I see is a miserably uncomfortable, insecure, poor excuse for a woman.  If that’s you, keep on rocking em cause it’s really bringing out your features.

           PS.  If you are more than 50 lbs over weight please stop wearing anything tight fitting at all.  I'm tired of having nightmares about your cellulite taking over the world.

To Be A Fighter

To be a fighter almost always indicates something’s wrong with you.  Everyone I train with/have trained with has some sort of demon whether they recognize it as such or not.  All you “normal” people should thank God and pray every day that boxing, kickboxing, mma, wrestling, judo, jujitsu and any other form of competitive/stylized fighting remains legal.   Allowing us to train and compete apart from the more refined and conformed branches of society maintains order.  We get our fix, we wear ourselves out, we shorten our life expectancy, and the rest of you have a fighting chance of avoiding anyone who has the will or ability to give and receive a beating. 

Fighting is engrained in nature.   Almost every species has a way of showing who’s the baddest mofo around, and like most animals humans have developed ways of doing so without anyone getting (with exception) seriously injured or killed.   Some people believe that pugilism is only around because some people have no other means of making a living. They’ll tell you we’re a bunch of animals and savages getting in a cage because we enjoy hurting people.  Any tested fighter will tell you that’s complete bullshit (other than being savages).  It wasn’t until recently that any real living could be made fighting.  The fact of the matter is even if the fighter never saw a dime, you’d still have countless venues with cards filled.  This is because fighters celebrate a higher level of competition and self-discovery than can be found in any other sport.      

A martial artist is just that, an artist.  Instead of a brush or instrument we wrap our hands, throw on pads and beat each other senseless. The sweet science of fighting allows us to refine our techniques and even more importantly find what we’re made of.  We break down each individual exchange and how to most efficiently respond to the point it becomes automatic.  We spend countless hours finding a way to implement our own styles into the fundamental framework. It takes a very special person to take a beating every day, get broken and bruised, get rejected by society and the moment you leave the gym anticipate the next day of sweat, blood and tears.  

I know so many fighters who gave up their jobs and literally lived at the gym.  I know so many fighters who lost their families and homes pursuing their dream and apart from eating sent all their money for their kids.  I moved to California, trained every day, sometimes twice a day, spent every dime I had until I finally found a job teaching kickboxing to little kids.  No more than a few weeks later while preparing for a jiujitsu tournament I snapped my arm at the elbow trying an escape I just learned.  For the first few moments I convinced myself it wasn’t broken and when it finally soaked in it wasn’t the pain or seeing my arm bent the wrong way that hurt most, it was knowing that everything I worked for was gone.  I no longer had a job, money, or an arm to fight with.  For most people that might seem like enough to quit, for a fighter it was enough to piss me off and ultimately conclude it was an opportunity to work on my left arm and kicking power anyhow. Six months of recovery later and I was back on the matts. 

A wise man told me not to be a slave to the sport.  That if I was going to fight or train fighters to make sure I was doing it because I wanted to not because I had to.  Ultimately that translated to earning my degree and saving money. Sunday I try out for Team Ambition in Columbia, Missouri where I recently returned to school.  For me fighting makes more sense than studying, training more beneficial than homework, competition more revealing than test scores. However, I want to maintain the confidence that no one will ever have more say over my financial stability than I do.

Fighting is a way of keeping my demons at bay. Anxiety, depression, stress, anger and ego get beaten out of me every time I put on my gloves.  In the cage no one can help you.  In the cage there are no shortcuts, there is no faking, there are no timeouts.  In the cage you discover what you never knew you had in you, that last breath before you pass out to make your escape, that extra push to get back to your feet, the final calculated attack you can manage before the blood in your eyes, nose and throat separate you from your senses.  I fight because I love knowing my body will be defeated long before my mind.  I love knowing heart takes you beyond the physically possible.